So this week was good. We had some good 4th of July food. I was on a few exchanges and I tried ICEE for the first time. It's carbonated Slurpee, so that was cool. I went to Oxnard and saw the ocean, got some good pictures and saw some old friends so the week had some ups for sure. This week was hard for me. I want to be open but just know not to worry, I am doing better now. I do ask that you have some people send me quotes and uplifting stories, maybe in next weeks email. I am not coming home, I am going to put my all into these last 6 months, but really, it has been tough.
Elder Endicott and I are doing better. He is really struggling hard and I am doing my best to keep him happy, he is just having a hard time, I sure do appreciate him though. I was tempted to call home on Friday and tell President I am DONE. It got to a point where I just did not want to be out. I am having issues feeling worthy of being a missionary and as soon as I realized it, I called President Felix and he had me read some scriptures and say a prayer. I have been on the phone with him lots and he has been helping me out. 
I really have decided that I can not leave. I have to stay and I know I WILL get over this, it has just been such a hard transfer, with finding no investigators, and just having no desire to work. I have also been letting my responsibility as a District Leader slip and have been failing to lead by example. I think it has come from me just being lazy, so I am going to just do all I can to fight and keep growing, and President is right beside me helpng me out. Now, I do not want you to worry. Everyone has a hard day, this is a trial I have been given to grow. Now it is a hard trial, but it is for my greater good and I know it.
When Joseph Smith was in Liberty Jail, he prayed and asked why he had to struggle and if the Lord was still even there (I'm paraphrasing, of course). The Lord, in His infinite and great goodness told him, "And if thou shouldst be cast into the pit, or into the hands of murderers, and the sentence of death passed upon thee; if thou be cast into the deep; if the billowing surge conspire against thee; if fierce winds become thine enemy; if the heavens gather blackness, and all the elements combine to hedge up the way; and above all, if the very jaws of hell shall gape open the mouth wide after thee, know thou, my son, that all these things shall give thee experience, and shall be for thy good" (D&C 122:7).
I know that these things are helping me and will be for my good and that it will allow me to see the Lord's love in a new way, I just have to figure out what his plan for me is. I think the scary thing is that I let the wrong things get at me and I should not have. There's no reason to let them get at me, I know who I am and where I came from so I just have to push all the bad out and let the good flourish as itis supposed to.
Well, mom,dad I am okay now. This will allow me to grow but missions are not all peachy and happy joy, it is work and very stressful at times, but you are your best convert.
I do love you so much. I am okay, I will be okay. Christ is with me, He knows how I feel and He will free me. Trust Him as I will do the same.
Muah, Muah, Muah
Have a great week and say hello to everyone for me.
Love Elder Routledge
A disciple of Jesus Christ
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